Sunday - Day 1
6:00 PM Attend general meeting for local Herpetological Society.
8:00 PM Return home, WASH HANDS.
---Re-fill humidifier

 

Monday - Day 2
6:00 PM Print up batch of "Honk if you have Herps," bumper stickers.
8:00 PM Jump online to kingsnake.com and revel in the fact there are other people as 'normal' as you.
---Re-fill humidifier

 

Tuesday - Day 3
5:00 PM Put "Honk if you have Herps," bumper stickers on your car bumper. Take trip to health food store for fresh greens for Turtles and fruit for Skinks. Don't forget to get more bleach.
6:00 PM Take off "Honk if you have Herps," bumper sticker after realizing embarrassing spelling error.
---Re-fill humidifier

 

Wednesday - Day 4
7:00 PM WASH HANDS, clean snake tanks, WASH HANDS, handle snakes for 15-20 minutes and then WASH HANDS.
10:00 PM Go to store for more anti-bacterial soap.

---Re-fill humidifier

 

Thursday - Day 5
5:00 PM Carefully pick dried dandelions and blow seeds across entire backyard for future homegrown turtle greens.
5:15 PM Placate neighbors after the now infamous, "Dandelion Debacle."

----Clean and Re-fill humidifier

 
Friday - Day 6
8:00 AM Place creative add for your snake 'Lumpy' (in accordance with 'Snake Sales Pitches' found at http://coloherp.org/cb-news/archive/humor/SalesPitch).
FOR SALE: One "Impressive" (Ate my Rottwieler) but "Nervous" (it bites) Argentinean Boa for sale. "Space needed (It's bloody enormous), for this "good feeder" (It's eating me out of house and home)." However, "Needs Experienced Keeper (it tried to eat me)."

---Re-fill humidifier

 
Saturday - Day 7
10:00 AM Go to Herp store - get 200 crickets, 20 frozen pinkies, 10 large feeder mice and 20 frozen rats. Also get 3 large live rats. Check on new stock of Monitors and Skinks. Buy economical 50 lbs. 'Bag-O-Substrate.'

---Re-fill humidifier

 

Sunday - Day 8
7:00 PM WASH HANDS. Defrost 3 pinkies, 3 large mice and 2 medium rats. WASH HANDS. Feed small snakes and spiders. WASH HANDS.
8:00 PM  Tape new episode of 'The Crocodile Hunter.' Spend the rest of the eve. saying, "B'hoy what a beaut!" (in best Australian accent) while you 'safari' through your Herp tanks.

---Re-fill humidifier

 

Monday - Day 9
3:00 PM Pawn stereo and pay electric bill.
8:00 PM Join Herp online chat. Don't forget to write back to that understanding, sexy sounding, person with the login name: SnakCharmr@www.com

---Re-fill humidifier

 

Tuesday - Day 10
10:00 AM Record new voicemail message with frogs 'singing' in the background. Take road trip down to Texas to protest the 'Rattlesnake Roundup.'

---Re-fill humidifier

 

Wednesday - Day 11
7:00 PM Return from Texas after short hospital stay.
11:00 PM Go online and order all the snake and lizard T-shirts you can find.

---Re-fill humidifier

 

Thursday - Day 12
8:00 PM Watch The Discovery Channel special on snakes
(Optional: Drink a sip of beer every time they don't say the names of the snakes they show).
9:00 PM Pass out in drunken stupor.
Friday - Day 13
5:30 PM Buy new humidifier (after forgetting to fill old one, thus burning out the motor) due to last nights drinking game. Clean up beer cans and recycle. Save $$$ for Herp store.

---Fill new humidifier

 

Saturday - Day 14
8:00 AM Go to Herp store - get feeder Crickets for Veiled Chameleon and more Calcium Supplement Powder for Geckos. Buy more 'Mealworms-in-a-can and humidity gauge for new tank.

---Re-fill humidifier

 

Sunday - Day 15
5:00 AM Pay $.50 for 10 newspapers (for substrate) at corner stand
8:00 PM Feed Lizards & Chameleons  (Note to self: DO NOT feed Chameleons TO Lizards).
11:30 PM Stop chasing the loose (escaped) crickets

---Re-fill humidifier

 

Monday - Day 16
7:30 AM Wake up tired from escaped crickets' songs. Go to local Zoo's FREE DAY to check out new additions at tropical discovery area.

---Re-fill humidifier

 

Tuesday - Day 17
5:00 PM Hire local Herp Society for private, in home, reptile show for daughter's' birthday
5:05 PM Make arrangements to baby-sit neighbors' daughter.

---Re-fill humidifier

 

Wednesday - Day 18
6:00 PM Clean Chameleon tanks. Go to local nursery to replace dead plants. Remember you forgot to feed your turtles "fresh greens" and return to health food store. FEED TURTLES (watch fingers this time!).

---Re-fill humidifier

 

Thursday - Day 19
2:01 AM Celebrate birth of hatchling Royal "Ball" Pythons. Name hatchlings. Buy and give out cigars. Send out "It's a 2.2!" birth announcement cards to out-of-state friends and family.

---Clean and fill humidifier

 

Friday - Day 20
7:30 PM Attend board meeting for local Herpetological Society. Be sure to wear new snake T-shirt that arrived. With water-based marker, cross out extra 'e' on "Honk..." bumper stickers and sell after meeting... CHEAP!
9:00 PM Return home, WASH HANDS.

---Re-fill humidifier.

 

Saturday - Day 21
2:00 PM Go to Herp store - get and replace 3 burned out heat lamps. 'Buy Sack-O-Supraworms.'

---Re-fill humidifier

 

Sunday - Day 22
11:00 AM Call mom. Assure her you are still alive and kicking (NEGLECT to mention the stitches which are still healing). Explain the meaning of the birth announcements.
8:00 PM Remove wax worms from fridge to warm up and then Feed Frogs., Iguanas and Geckos

----Re-fill humidifier

 

Monday - Day 23
5:00 PM Go to hardware store to buy more wood, nails and screen mesh
10:00 PM Empty fly traps.

---Re-fill humidifier

 

Tuesday - Day 24
6:00 PM "Borrow" neighbors driftwood from front yard landscaping
10:00 PM Post bail.

---Re-fill humidifier

 

Wednesday - Day 25
3:00 PM Curse humidifier.
3:01 PM Pay water bill.

---Clean and fill humidifier

 

Thursday - Day 26
9:00 PM Go out with 'non-herp' friends (if you still have any) and brag about how special all your 'children' are.
9:35 PM Return home and check Classifieds for new friends.

---Re-fill humidifier.

 

Friday - Day 27
8:00 PM Renew membership with local Herpetological Society.

---Re-fill humidifier